Welcome to Steelport. Welcome to insanity.
As I ran around, my attire comprising of an underwear, stockings, brown warrior gloves, a gold chain, Darth Vader helmet, carrying a weapon that launched Mind-Controlling Octopii on the enemies (and pedestrians alike) and then drove a bike that looked like it was straight out of TRON, only smeared with blood and aptly named Bloody Canoness (which is just another day in the peaceful city of Steelport), the fact that was staring me right in the face from the very beginning just became crystal clear, Saints Row The Third is one of the most fun games I have played in a long while or possibly, and dare I say, ever !!!
Story is nothing remarkable, and that is just a small gripe. You play as a fully customisable (gender included) character, who is also the boss of the infamous and now international stars Saints from Stilwater. Following a bank heist gone wrong and losing a valuable member (Johnny Gat, I’ll always remember u man!), you are tossed into the crime ridden and Syndicate-controlled fictional town of Steelport. Here you are tasked with taking down those who deceived and tried to destroy you, and blow anyone who comes your way to bits, and you get three gangs to fight, The Luchadores, The Deckers, and The Morning Star. Well, that just about covers the story. But if you are here to play a well written, story driven adventure, this game is not for you. However, if no-holds-barred, crazy mayhem, violence, profanity, nudity, destruction is your thing, then you’ll be more than happy at your purchase. There is one thing this game can’t be accused of being, and that’s repetitive. From tons of side activities, to assassinations, vehicle thefts, completing challenges, hidden collectibles to find, as well as the lengthy campaign, it will keep you busy for a long time. The activities vary from blowing stuff up with a given weapon or a tank to rake up dollars, to driving on an ATV blowing anything that touches you while you are on fire, to escort a client with a hooker in the car and saving them from the prying eyes of the paparazzi, protecting your homies, entering a tron like digital world and racing through it (which at times can be a little difficult), and last but not the least, Professor Genki’s S.E.R.C (Super Ethical Reality Climax), where you’ll kill enemies in a closed arena to earn cash. Kill more, get better weapons, kill even more. And needless to say, it is as crazy as the name itself. While many of the main missions are amazing, one which stands out and will probably blow your mind away is” http://deckers.die “ where you’ll be transported to a digital world and it leads to hilarious situations as well as lots of baddie-blasting with cool weapons. I mean come on, playing as a toilet and a dragon in the same mission ? Badass…….
Gameplay is very well done. Shooting feels normal and just perfect. The weapons are a blast to use, although aiming down the scope of a rifle is not as quick and easy as you might want it to be. Calling your homies in battle or the undead horde for that matter (yes, zombies can be called, they’ll pick up and say “Arrrrr”, how cool is that!) is really helpful and adds a new twist to the firefights. Driving any vehicle is a breeze and also a blast !
Graphics also impress, though occasionally framerate slows down, with a few glitches. But all the characters are excellently animated, so are the weapons and the vehicles. Explosions feel especially satisfying. Enjoying a view of the city in the night while gliding down in a parachute is truly a wonderful sight.
Sound design is top notch, and so is the voice acting. All characters sound distinct and great. From the sexy Shaundi, to the giant but sweet Oleg, to the mechanized ramblings of Zimos, all characters stay memorable thanks to the superior voice acting. And also, this is one of the few games that got me cracking with almost every dialogue ! Its hilarious, like it needed another reason for you to get it ! Also noteworthy is its FM. Lots of different songs on a number of stations, each offering metal, hip-hop and any other music you like and can possibly think of. But better than the songs are the news updates that notify you of the events and outcomes of your previous mission. Do not, I repeat, do not miss them ! (Jane Valderama, I have fallen in love with your voice !! )
As few as they maybe, there are a few issues I have this game. Enemy variety was less, they simply looked different for each gang, but did not offer a different challenge. And the AI is a little inconsistent. Friendly AI is generally good and helpful in battle but they tend to be borderline dumb a few times. But that’s about it.
In conclusion, if you love sandbox games, or if you love your games funny, or hell, if you even love video games, get this one. With all the crazy missions, weapons, vehicles (you have a V-Tol in your garage, I mean if cruising at 300 miles per hour, while firing a flamethrower and missiles doesn’t get your heart racing, probably nothing will!), tons of upgrades and purchases, wardrobe atrocities and hilarities, this is one hell of a ride. But if nothing, skydiving naked and then streaking after landing, looking at the shocked faces of the people and listening to their comments is always satisfying !
I give Saints Row The Third a score of 8.5 !
(I apologize for not including the review of the Co-Op and Whored mode of Saints Row The Third. Since I could not play it, as I was focusing on the single player experience, I have no right to comment on it. But I hope you like the rest of the review!)